Chaos and vulnerability

Written By Benjamin Lloyd

The exercise “Mirror” at one of my workshops.

The basic condition of existence is chaos. We have no idea what's going to happen in the future, and we know deep in our hearts that anything could happen - without rhyme or reason. Chaotically.

From the moment we could begin to reason and construct an experience of living that we have some modicum of control over, we have been on a quest to deny this basic truth. We create "order", we construct "rules", we engage in predictable "routines." These activities bring us a sense of safety and security. They help us move forward with purpose and power. They are a manifestation of hope over fear. But in the pit of our stomachs we know: hope is a wish, not a guarantee. As President Eisenhower said: “Plans are worthless, but planning is everything”.

Nowhere do we spend more energy trying to prepare for and therefore defeat chaos than in the future. The stock market is based on guessing what the future will bring. We make plans and predictions, forecasts and strategies, all in an attempt to bring order to what is actually a yawning void of not-knowing. We make plans . . . and God laughs.

And what is the human sensation we are trying to avoid feeling with all this planning, devising and strategizing? It's vulnerability. We are vulnerable to the chaos of the universe, and we all know someone who has that Bad Thing happen to them out of nowhere. Maybe it's happened to you. No wonder then, we create some ironclad mindsets and attitudes to defend against feeling vulnerable.

But in denying our vulnerability we deny access to the most tender and malleable part of ourselves. We lose the gift of connecting with other vulnerable humans. We miss moments of potential transformation by clinging to fixed ideas we wear like armour. This is why the 12 Step programs of recovery are so powerful: they allow for the safe sharing of vulnerability among groups.

This may sound like an odd marketing tagline, but all the experiences I design for groups have the goal of making the participants confidently vulnerable (I love the paradox, don't you?) The Power of Play allows us to open up to each other with joy, and gently dismantles our chaos defences. It removes the armour. It melts the ice.

Applied improvisation brings just enough structure to the innately chaotic experience of human relationships, and allows us to experiment with new ways of interacting, giving, receiving, leading, following. And what do we discover? That vulnerability is not so frightening after all, especially if you are among people who are also making themselves playfully vulnerable.

Confident vulnerability is powerful.

Confident vulnerability is sexy.

Confident vulnerability is transformational.

Benjamin Lloyd

Ben runs all three program areas of Bright Invention. He teaches classes for all abilities, leads the ensemble and is the Program Director for Creative Corporate Training. From its founding in 2011, Ben has now guided Bright Invention to its current incarnation: as a flexible and dynamic performing arts nonprofit which does three things: improvise, corporate training, and creative work with marginalized communities.

From 1994 - 2013 Ben acted professionally on every major stage in the Philadelphia region, as well as in New York City, Edinburgh Scotland, Portland Oregon and other places. His second novel, The Deception of Surfaces, was published in July 2011. It is a follow up to his first book The Actor’s Way: A Journey of Self-Discovery in Letters, published by Allworth Press in May 2006. He is also the author of various articles and pamphlets on theatre and Quakerism. He has a B.A. in Theater Studies from Yale College, an M.F.A. in Acting from the Yale School of Drama, and a Certificate in Diversity & Inclusion from Cornell University. He lives in Philadelphia.

https://www.brightinvention.org
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